Cross-Cultural Research. Women also support their men for polygamy if they are facing infertility to secure their marriage instead of divorce [4]. So, I was second selection of my in-laws." Love marriage: Love marriage is a very common reason for co-wives [13]. But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. 2015; 12(3): 267-289. All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. International Nursing Review. But thats not how it works out for everyone. Too many people are dying because of the conflict between monogamy and polygamy. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. I never expected to be a second wife. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. When men are taken out of the marriage market by war or by prison, women suffer. I know in some families the children of the first wife have some sort of higher status, but this is my home and I dont want to raise my children like that, Thamsanqa says. Co-wife conflict and co-operation. It found that while 70 per cent agreed that Muslim men have a right to polygamous marriages so long as they can treat all wives fairly, only 30 per cent would allow their own husband to marry . Confidentiality of the data was ensured to all the participants. Community awareness of the effects of polygamy on women through media campaigns is a beginning step. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? I'm seven months pregnant. Hence, before you embark on your marital journey, you must understand the second marriage problems and how to handle them. It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. But it's a hoax that has hit at least four countries to date . There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Mrs. Mustafa said, she approved and permitted her husband to 2nd marriage. Both babies were through cesarean. The disadvantage of being a second wife Sense of insecurity The second wife will face insecurity toward her husband which will take her in a severe sense of doubts and auspiciousness. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . 3.What were the coping strategies which you used to accept the co-wives relationship? One wife raises her fertility in response to an increase by the other wife because to them children are the best claim to resources controlled by the husband [22,23]. In many typical cultures like India, China, and Pakistan infanticide is a very common practice despite an illegal and social evil [5-7]. As she stated, "out of sight, saying of mind.". Ibn Qudamah writes: When people. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. You feel the need to establish more control over the decisions of your partner. What Is Marriage Coaching? Polygamy is often based on traditional cultural practices or religious beliefs. When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. Mrs. Kamal also has a good relationship with her co-wife. Disadvantages (Demerits) Of Polygamous Marriage 1. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Can I marry second wife? And reassure her of your love. They found his second wife together a woman who was a regular on one of his taxi routes. polyandry, marriage of a woman to two or more men at the same time; the term derives from the Greek polys, "many," and anr, andros, "man." When the husbands in a polyandrous marriage are brothers or are said to be brothers, the institution is called adelphic, or fraternal, polyandry. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". Third theme: The coping strategies used by polygamous women have included faith in religion, fate role, and compromise with the co-wives. Exploring the mediation effects of anger rumination and willingness to forgive on the association between self-compassion and romantic jealousy. All women were Muslims. Theyd been happily married for 15 years when she received the shock of her life. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. Female infanticide and killing women for giving birth to a baby girl a case study of Pakistan inproceedings of socioint14-international conference on social sciences and humanities. Invest in the future today. She told that My in-laws had not good relationships with the first wife of my husband. He's not a wealthy man, he has another family and I accepted that.'. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. "If you are the second or third or fourth wife, that marital relationship is not going to be recognized for immigration purposes. There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. The study investigated the causes of polygamy, outcomes, and women's coping strategies to deal with co-wives relationships. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. They often include not-so-subtle warnings about what's to come, designed to keep you strong and united in the face of conflict, change, hardship, kids. It was an arranged marriage. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me. So, you're happily married to the Muslim man of your dreams when, suddenly, he drops the p-bomb: polygamy. The interviews were verified for accuracy and consistency by listening to the recordings. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. Lots of people are betraying their partners while pretending to be monogamous. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. During my final two years in my first marriage, I was constantly telling my friends how I wanted to make my relationship work. However, on appeal the. How Is It Different From Marriage Counseling? The real term for that arrangement is polygyny, "the practice or condition of having more than one wife at one time." Poly was defined above, and -gyny probably looks familar, from words like misogyny and gynecology: it's the Greek gyne, "woman." Grab Now! An in-depth interview technique was used with probing questions to get the perception from polygamous women about their life experiences, reasons behind polygamous marriage, and what strategies were used by co-wives to deal with such relationships. mortality is outrageously high and t Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! Mrs. Ahmad being 2nd wife told that after second marriage "I and my co-wife did not get along; our children also did not get along, and there was constant bickering between us. She stated I prefer not to attend the same social function or activity with my rival (co-wife). The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. Mrs. Amir had no baby so she said, "It's Allah's plan for me and I have accepted my fate". Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. The applicant argued that the second woman's marriage was invalid because she, the first wife, had not consented to it: a notion upheld by the North Gauteng High Court. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. Somehow, you probably have always pictured someone who has never been married. The participants expressed the usage of different coping Strategies in polygamous marriage as religion, fate, compromise, and sisterly bond with co-wives. Their mean age was 33.83 ranging from 18-50 years. I knew society is very cruel and it would be very tough for me to bring up them without father." Practicing polygamy as a legal permanent resident can lead to deportation, as can a criminal conviction for bigamy. For example, many people view second wives as cheating, homewreckers, and gold diggers. To sum up: I am married to a man I love and am lucky. He enters willingly, eyes open, arms spread--he's the emotional version of a skydiver. Many qualitative and quantitative studies have been conducted to evaluate the challenges and issues facing polygamous women on an international level. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. 5. Should second wives post billboards proclaiming that we are not necessarily women who flounce through life wearing ankle bracelets, feather boas, and alligator shoes? The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. While Pakistan being an Islamic state where religion allows polygamy, the more typical reasons have been observed in the current study by multiple co-wives such as infertility, a woman being a mother only by female children, love marriage, or family pressure with the reference of religious doctrine. Women experienced various degrees of emotional difficulties including jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness, and lack of intimacy with their spouses. Minor clashes are part of life to her. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. 2. Jealousy is something almost everyone is afflicted with at some point and just because someone chose to be in a polygamous marriage doesn't mean they deserve less sympathy than anyone else. She should approach him first and address the issue, Maphalala suggests. Barber N. Explaining cross-national differences in polygyny intensity: Resource-defense, sex ratio, and infectious diseases. Polygamy is often confused with polyamory and bigamy. 2009; 103(1): 17-29. 1. Rehman J. She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. And there remains a slight sense of imbalance. In another study man's wife having been diagnosed with a mental health problem, infertility, a man has only daughters or having children mentally and physically sick or man's wife older than he is, and exchange marriage are common reasons were discussed in a previous study. The study findings may be inconsistent with the previous one except for the religious factor due to cultural differences. Polyandry is a specific term used to describe marriages between one wife and at least two husbands. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". 2008; 42(2), 103-117. Literature indicates that the structure of the polygamous women's families badly affected the psychological and social functioning of polygamous women and children [9-11]. Lillian, for example, says she changed her mind because she could see how sorry Thamsanqa was for hurting her, and when he explained his reasons she was able to move from heartbreak to acceptance. Which Board Game Sums Up Your Life: "Aggravation"? There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. Crookston EM. Data collection was not collected scientific way because of qualitative study and the findings cannot be generalized beyond the women in this study [24,25]. I don't care about the feelings of his first wife, his first . The reverse is probably true, too: When women are taken from the marriage market, men suffer. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Normally the husband stays in the main house and then the wives have their own homes outside, Lillian explains. , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. 2 Meet other future spouses. Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. She stated, I allowed a co-wife in my marriage because I was not able to have more children after my second child. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. All the above shows that there is really no marriage between the both parties. Polygamy is a practice in which a person is married to more than one person at the same time, most commonly a man to several wives. At the very least, the term "second wife" has a very negative connotation. You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. Second marriages also have a much larger cast of characters than any first marriage. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. Makes sense if there is no balance between males and females in a region. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. The sharia, Islamic family laws, and international human rights law: Examining the theory and practice of polygamy and talaq. After my brother died in a car accident my father started acting strange. She said, "We both share the housework and I always take care of her children". All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Social Change. With over 100k combined users in countries around the world (including 2,000 active users in Canada), Chaiwala's latest move is to launch a Google Play app for SecondWife.com, to bring polygamy . In many societies the concept of polygamy is frowned upon because it goes against the Western idea of loving, honouring and obeying one person until death do you part. Khattak AK. Couples Therapy: Whats the Difference? Constitutionally, polygamy raises important issues under the free exercise clause of the First Amendment. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. Changes to the law have meant that women in customary marriages now have more protection than before. Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. | What's popular and why. Saravanan S. Female infanticide in India: A review of the literature. When he proposed to her she first came to me to check if he had my blessing. Dont be too quick to bash him, Lillian advises other women in her position. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. The psychological health of women is essential to raising a sound, healthy family and should receive high priority, particularly in developing countries where resources are limited. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. 2007; 21(1), 108-127. The design was flexible and consent was taken for an in-depth interview. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. What kind of man has three wives and no job? Your spouse may still have lingering feelings associated with the former marriage, including guilt, shame, regret, anger, sadness, or many others. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. Finding the right path for their family also provides an opportunity for bonding. He says he isnt much of a speaker. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. Christmas and having the whole family there together. Consent i s the keyword. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. This can lead to a much-known phenomenon known as the second wife syndrome.. In Pakistani culture, infertility can be one of the reasons but exploring other factors like love marriage and family pressure, and religious reference are also common factors. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Jul 20, 2016, 1:53 AM. She described that she was completely alone with her daughters after her husband's second marriage. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. "If it's mostly. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. Most Muslims do not practice polygamy. like grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc., may not ever see you as an actual parent of the other persons biological child. She said that she and her husband was working in the same organization. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. Unhappiness and loneliness: Mrs. Gulzar was unhappy about a lot of things in the marriage. Since that we gave importance, care and love toward each other, i accept his proposal. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". They were much younger than my mother, just eight years older than me. Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. And more children too they are all so respectful and loving, a clear example of the home theyre being brought up in.. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. Polygyny, the marriage of a man and two or more women at the same time, includes an analogous sororal . It was a love marriage. As Mrs. Amir told the researcher, in the beginning, she got more privilege than the first but as time was passed and she did not conceive there was a time when she was completely ignored by in-laws and later from her husband. Its not like I wasnt married before, too. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, 2. According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. The supervisor of the study verified the emerging themes and contents. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Success and failure among polygamous families: The experience of wives, husbands, and children. Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Illiteracy, being a wife of a husband with three and more other wives, current history of depression, intimate partner violence, and poor social support were significantly associated with suicidal . Not many people like a second wife. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Azad Chaiwala, CEO and founder of the Second Wife and Polygamy marriage websites. These findings have implications for policymakers and family advisors. I realized, several years after I remarried, that one of my oldest friends never quite forgave me for getting on with life after my divorce. It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. 2016; 22(3): 272-286. If the wives have any conflict they first need to try to resolve it among themselves, says historian and cultural expert Professor Jabulani Maphalala. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. She said that she convinced her husband for 2nd marriage because of her illness. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. International Journal of Social Psychiatry. Lillian takes care of the children and is responsible for the admin of the taxi business, and Thembi still works as a nurse. A false rumour that men in Eritrea would be legally obliged to marry at least two women went viral this week. He didn't want to leave his first wife because they had already had 4 children together. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. Rahmanian P, Munawar K, Mukhtar F, Choudhry FR. The Journal of Social Psychology. It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." Then communicate every detail to your wife she deserves that. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mothers experience was awful. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). Concept of one soulmate for everyone is flawed anyway. 2231-7791 Copyright 2023, Department of psychiatry, Institute of Applied Psychology University of Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan. It is an option. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. So, she accepted this relationship. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. Mrs. Mustafa though convinced her husband of second marriage but she said I was very much distressed and lonely after the 2nd marriage of my husband. She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. Table 2: Frequency of co-wives for jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness and sharing household chores as consequences of polygamous marriages (N=11). As she said 'I am unable to fulfill the needs or desires of my husband, so I allowed him for 2nd marriage. Miss Nadia was the 2nd wife of Mr. Imam. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. The co-wives shared their several experiences and reasons why they allowed their husbands for 2nd or 3rd marriage. A qualitative methodology was adopted to explore the experiences of polygamous women. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Ethnology. Because polygamy is typically condoned only in specific regions, it may be difficult to meet other willing participants to enter a polygamous union. Archives of Women's Mental Health. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. She almost lost her life I couldnt bear the thought of losing her. He kisses the back of Lillians hand as he talks. Mrs. Imam, Mrs. Ahmad, Mrs. Kamran, and Miss Nadia also admitted co-wives relationship and compromised with this relationship (Table 3). Divorce can be an expensive proposition. It stayed almost one year that we hide our relation to his first his wife, because he told me, that he want to inform his wife, when he will be in front of her, since that she was in her home country and it . In literature, the problems faced by polygamous women were highlighted. She explained" in the beginning, my husband ignored me and my daughters and reduces the monthly income for my children. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. In part, this is due to the fact that there is still a contingent for which a marriage without children is only slightly more honorable than a series of one-night stands. 1. Rossi P. Strategic choices in polygamous households: Theory and evidence from Senegal. Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. 4. After those three days I regretted everything and I blamed myself for her heartache, he says. It is still bound to have some of the same relationship issues that we all face from time to time. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. We have an ordinary life. The Quranic prescription for polygamy suggests that men can marry two, three or four wives (but not the other way round, naturally). Data was collected from 11 polygamous women who consented to an in-depth interview. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. Can expand your gene pool. Mormon women fear eternal polygamy, study shows. Data collection from the participants may have been affected by differences in age, years, and rank in marriage, educational level, and religious faiths. In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20].