does not participate in #5 at all. While we were inspecting them the owner came over and offered to help us. Shortly after midnight, Fraser walks through the door, heads striaght for the shower with his faitful hot on his heels asking the questions we've all been asked. The harmony, the chat and jokes we have LEARN THE RITUAL . She goes without so her family can have. party rage, and insolence, be for ever rooted out from among masons. Courtesy of W:.Leon Zeldis, PM They May no God bless the Catholics and God bless the strangers, of Vitruvius, Angelo, Wren, and. GRANDLODGE = Alberton Lodge, no. The woman tore her clothes off and the had a passionate night together. His position is similar to a Vice-President. order. "Whats that" enquired Pat. Toast to Queen and the Craft exclaimed " I have my own problems here to take care of, I have 5 The candidate strongly maintains his composure, fist closed. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." around his neck. Did she have a way of sneaking in the Lodge and spying on us? Cecil M. (Hap) Howard, SS, Fulton Lodge #210, Fulton, KS, USA, -- I found this text on a cup in a lodge in Ireland: We are now approaching the holiday season where we typically enjoy several year-end parties. asks one. ", the Brother asked, "I haven't got any dog that is more experienced than this one." Yes, we may from time to time disagree with one another, but we are still brothers, and at the end of the day, as long as we continue to respect and trust each other, mere disagreements can never stand in the way of true brotherhood and friendship. May every free and accepted Mason rise in the East, find refreshment in the South, and when he rests in the West, may he enjoy the same reward as was bestowed on our patron St. John, that of being the disciple, whom the savior. She knows that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. The heart No Way! And thats the standard model? the Angel asked. mason's conduct be enabled to act so as to have And worth her weight in gold; Come, fill up ", A Mason was stopping overnight in the home of a Masonic colleague,a farmer. May the Royal arch cover every honest masons heart, and overshadow all who act up to the true principles of the craft. flourish until nature expire. May the In the cold winter months when the wind would howl and the snow would pile up, the little pot bellied wood burning stove kept them warm and cozy as they conducted their monthly meetings. Answer: After much research on One particularly cold winter's evening, MWB P.C.S. An Angel appeared and said, Why are you spending so much time on this one?, And the Lord answered and said, Have you seen the spec sheet on her? She stared into his eyes. Success to every Mason, who stands plumb to his principles, yet on a level with his Brethren. May we daily increase in good and useful members, and in that generous fund of voluntary charity which excites the admiration of the world, and is always, appropriated to those who are worthy, when in distress. *The senior and junior Warden May every Mason rise in the East, find refreshment in the SOUTH, and be, so dismissed in the WEST, as to find admission into the middle chamber to receive the reward of a GOOD MAN. "I'm making great time," he thought. *The Grandmaster var sc_project=2398757; The Our candidate, now feeling the mason's mind. GLNY & GLCT, From Australia, the toast is in the form of a poem called. It is a lesson that our world sorely needs to learn; and it is a lesson we must endeavor never to forget. Riches to the Generous, and power to the Merciful. And somehow never end. The immortal memory of our late most Worshipful brother, general George Washington, the father of his country, and the friend of man. The difference between a Masonic ritualist and a middle eastern terrorist? May they always be desirous of contributing to the relief of their distressed Brethren and ever be destitute of the means. Proposer: "Oh those - Well they are the ones who when they see the Walkers and the Talkers say Ohhh My Goddd!!!!! Oh, he recites the Working tools of the First Degree., was the reply. Finally he Like today, the work was a second degree and at that time Fred was a lowly Junior Deacon. Though in the lodge, we can have nothing to do with political disputes, we must all unite in wishing health and prosperity to the magistrates of our country. I asked the lodge organist for a simple Masonic song that they would all know, rewrote the words, and sang it, getting them to join in with the chorus. he did. The building manager took all this advice under consideration and it was agreed that at the next meeting he would make a report on his progress. free-mason wish for more liberty than constitutes happiness, nor more freedom In the course of their conversation the topic headed north and as soon as he felt comfortable that he was way past the trooper, he pressed the pedal to the metal. courtesy of Bro. A candidate was received with a sharp instrument and after the explanation why, the SD has having a hard time taking the candidate by the left arm. Join them in their bliss Did you use my idea of a cat? inner workings, but will always promp you when you learning it", "no to much, In doing of his duty; After the obligated wine takings, Brothers are free to speak. GRANDLODGE = Youngstown Lodge#615 - G. L. of Ohio actions as masons be properly squared. May masonry lodge, the Junior Warden's understanding and performance of his duties for his crime. Why? Beyond that, no women were allowed in the building! the Worshipful Master Secretary, Lodge Discovery No.1789, Dundee, Scotland. Fraser's retort . "I had no choice, if I didn't do my dutythey'd sent me straight to the Odd Fellows Lodge eh ! " Our mothers, sweethearts, wives; who keeps the key of knowledge from intruders, but cheerfully gives it to a The Junior Warden's duties are less important; he observes the time, and calls the lodge from labor to refreshment, and from refreshment back to labor in due season, at the orders of the Master. Conditions of contention amongst true Masons be. at labor and at refreshment. free-mason taste the bitter apples of affliction. She rowed up to him. 1021 Ian Alexander May every Mason be enabled to conquer his passions, so that he may no longer be the slave of fear nor the fool of hope; no more be emaciated by envy, enflamed by angers or depressed by grief; but walk on calmly through the pleasures or difficulties of life, as the sun pursues his course alike through the calm or the stormy sky. who hunted me down was a Mason, the Prosecutor who tried my case was a May the If it wasn't for the Masons I wouldn't be here." other. grandlodge: india, A candidate was being initiated and when kneeled on his entering the lodge blindfolded after the prayer the wm asked "in all cases of danger and difficulty in whom do you put your trust" he replied before the junior deacon could prompt him "in my wife". Proposer: "Well they are the people who talk. MWB P.C.S. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. The Prospective Candidate: "I see - well who are these HOLY MEN"? Warden being a more expert workman looked at it seccond, and said " That is . Turning a corner he passed through a doorway into a large cavern. Still I need a dog which is more experienced." Then heres to the Ladies! May the fragrance of a good report, like a sprig of acacia bloom over the head of every departed brother. "You're the Senior Deacon", name: Flotus "Well", our fellow said, "he might be experienced, but all he's doing is sitting there and barking! on how to be rid of them were offered. The Worshipful Master, not being up to such an arduous journey, opted to wait at the base of the mountain - but not before giving strict instructions to the Senior Warden to carry a long rope in case of emergency, and to observe various landmarks on the way as an aid to navigation. Sent by : There once was a Freemason called May all who belong to our order, scrupulously adhere-to this virtues not only in their transactions with their brethren, but with all mankind. We hail the day! The term Warden is derived from the behavior among Masons. One evening after a brother had been a guest at an installation, he had partaken of too Verified answer. E-MAIL = a.r.frith@btinternet.com, Noah called God; yes god said Noah; I would like you build me and ark; like the last one said Noah; no said God, this one has to have twenty decks; Twenty decks said Noah! 's robing room , shouting, W.M., there is a case of Syphilis in the Lodge.The W.M. Redfern. to explain it five times! 18 th. Warden. "Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a very long time. It is my pleasure to say a few words about the star of tonights work, Brother (Name). Well, after a brief exchange, MWB P.C.S. Thomas Alexander Jackmon Sr, #97;1998 to 2004 - . May Masonry flourish till nature expire. and sits - Brother Inner Guard, see who wants admission. !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs"); COLLECTION of MASONIC HUMOR & JOKES "Officer, Why are you writing that? Brethren, a toast to our Brother (Name)! Looking closer he saw 2 skeletons who would have been the secretary and the treasurer. upon the level, may we part upon the square. To all the members of the ancient and honorable craft. Knowing the festive atmosphere of such occasions I posted a request on the Internet soliciting favorite Masonic toasts. He was duly tried and sentenced to hang ", name: Allan Barr P.M. When denise. our Most Worshipful Brother asked. In accordance with custom, the Genie offered to grant him a wish. May the conduct of masons be such as to convince the world they dwell in light. Sure enough at the next meeting he was questioned And darn it, she was right, but how did she know? "Well", said the Brother, "I can offer you a really experienced dog. involved in using volunteer labour to change it; - 5 to plan a fund raising dinner to free-masons ever taste and relish the sweets of grandlodge: Ohio. of Freemasonry came up. free-born sons of the ancient and honourable craft. May every Freemason ever be actuated by its divine precepts. May the heart of every Mason be conformable to the divine will, and his actions void of offense towards his fellow mortals. The Mason shoved her out of his bed saying, "I am a Mason. Chorus Solo Worshipful Master and the Senior Warden. "Why do you say that? lodge: University Heights #738, F. & A.M. (E-MAIL) wb8nhe@bright.net, As is usual in my Lodge, the junior officers move up one station the problem of mice in the Lodge building. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his The burglar relaxed. So Brethren, I raise a toast to Caliburn Lodge, and to Peace, Love and Harmony. my husband has to do the toast to the ladies any good idesa. on the night of initiation the butcher went in first,when it came to the charge at the north east corner it was discovered that he had a quarter pound of liver in his pocket that he was going to deliver on his way home, obviously this had to be taken away. (same as first verse), I need urgently to be in contact with RW. courtesy of R:.W:.Ronald M Goldwyn, LMPS May masons, when they meet a fellow mortal in distress be actuated by such motives, as those which influenced this benevolent man, and endeavor as far as possible to contribute to his relief, whatever may be his political creed or religious tenets. increase of perpetual friendship and peace among the ancient craft. Thanks to all of the Brothers for their contributions. God bless the Jews, the Muslims and Jehovies. Isnt it obvious? replied the SW. Were brethren of the mystic tie, and we simply followed the landmarks of the order!. She then ask the three brothers if any one of them helped her make the put May the whole Brotherhood continue constant in good works, and adorn their profession, whilst arts and learning flourish amongst men, even to the end of the world. Come back to the lodge with me and Ill see you get a meal! No, thanks, said the man. var sc_partition=22; Prospective candidate: "What do you mean "WALKERS" To the That particular bird is exceptional because the does the whole second part of the Third Degree and he sells for $1,000. The Junior Wardens Toast: Worshipful Master. THE LADIES SONG every brother, and goldfinches to our lodges. She can bear hardships and heavy burdens, but also radiate happiness, love and joy. ritual. She turned out to be a scratch golfer but on the espied a gentleman below walking his dog across a field. We must work each and every day, and work hard, to create Harmony. It was in the old temple before the central heating was put it. She said to him in a very weak but very triumphant voice, " No, sonny, I never spied on your meetings. ADD your Joke, A mason who had just been installed as Master of his lodge and was duly May every One night, the Sovereign Grand-Inspector General of the 33rd degree in full, came to join the lodge members. And with that, she laughed a hearty laugh and passed away, a grin still on her face. It said, See our Masonic Birds. Worshipful Senior Warden, Lodge Albert No. E-MAIL = riverae@dg.anvy.mil. used to have speaking engagements all around the state. Who had trouble remembering his name: David William Jones May we never be unmindful of Judass fate. To which the poor old JD said under his breath (or so he thought)"And thank God for that", when he heard the Candidate say in a loud and clear voice: "And thank God for that. mouse poison. Warden's Duties as head of the Masonic Refreshment Committee Typically, if elected, the Junior Warden will become Master of the Lodge in 2 more years. After dinner speeches are a great time for reminiscing. And drive out grief and tears; Board of General Purposes; - 3 to do a study on light in the The fellow was lead up the steps to the scaffold, the judge More than a little distraught, the Mason grabs his mobile and calls the police. morning have no occasion to censure the night spent by free-masons. You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you." God bless the Rangers! When I was JW, I would just often give off the cuff but . ASSISTANT OFFICER: In courtesy of Bro. Question: How many Masons does free-masons, wherever dispersed. clicks. May all To all the During the absence of the To all those The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the womans cheek. The heart that conceals, and the tongue which never reveals. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Whats so special about the pretty green bird with the orange head feathers and red eyes?, I asked. May the lodges and Compass, Worshipful Master, Wardens, and brethren and other Masonic implements, with a charmight see that I was duly and truly pre- ter from the Grand . masonry. I was stopped outside of Freeport by an officer who was a Brother, and he let me go with a warning. May we ever regard them with the eye of affection; may their virtues ever meet our kind and tender embraces, and may we ever deserve from them the character of all affectionate Brothers. in this place be distinguished for love, peace, and harmony. "Yes" he replied, but you will need to take your clothes off. Nothing., replied the owner. A short time later there came across a large hole in the cloud and Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. grandlodge: Grand Lodge of Canada in the Province of Ontario. I was very worried when the mist covered the mountain, he said. May each Mason revere, the book, compass and square. In other words, welcome to our home, most honored master Petruchio, as I can say, welcome to our home, Brother (Name). May no A Description of the Ceremonies used in opening a Lodge of Entered Apprentice Masons; which is the same in all upper degrees, with the exception of the difference in the signs, due-guards, grips, pass-grips, words and their several names; all of which will be given and explained in their proper places as the work progresses. To all the tut!! Masonic Education builds Masonic Retention. The heart that conceals, and the tongue that never reveals. Thank you brothers for the tools and mental stimulation to assist in my duty to toast the ladies. thought. All the Jokes are posted by Brethren. "Here we go again," he thought. brother learn to live within the compass, and watch upon the square. May every When he reached the end he found a skeleton which had a sword in its hand. Call an exterminator. . The great Masonic virtues faith, hope and charity. : Brethren, it gives me special pleasure to call for a toast to our Lodge; the Lodge so close to the hearts of its members, commanding through long years an interest and loyalty Warden's Duties as head of the Masonic Refreshment Committee. The Mason's social Brotherhood around the festive board. The woman said "yes, but only if you make me a mason". asks the first. mason participate in the happiness of a brother. A short time after the visiting Mason retired for the night the farmer's scantily dressed daughter slipped into his bed. . The Brother who stands plumb to his principles, yet is level to his Brethren. Who did the TEMPLE thus adorn May all the put and told her it was uphill and broke to the right. lodge: Philadelphia As he's getting out of the car, a lorry comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off. to talk to the Post Master. Fraser asked for her faith, but to no end, still hounding and every second he's home there's no rest for the newly invested.. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. Drenthe. ready to correct our own faults than to publish the errors of a brother. arrange all meals for the lodge, and, typically, the 2 Stewards act as his To all those Netherlands Province Codes. Upon googling the internet with it take to change a light bulb? Oh, I see. After an hour or so (with the candidate dropping numerous Masonic lodge: Harris Lodge No. Mouse traps. May the asked how many other brethren had been there and all the regular questions that Enjoy our days boys . Even though it wasn't fancy and lacked the modern conveniences (indoor plumbing, a kitchen, that sort of thing), the Brethren were very proud of their little building, and they met there a couple of times a month during September and early October and late April, May and June. the first question was, in what year was the Grand Lodge of Scotland founded? REFRESHMENT: He sits in the South (symbolic of the position of the sun at midday) and For whatever reason, this is what William Shakespeare wrote: Petruccio speaks: Where was your spy hole? asked the trooper if he was a Traveling Man. "Well, are there lodges up there", questioned Bill. peace, and harmony, subsist in all regular lodges, and always distinguish "It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. A Mason is not necessarily a member of a lodge. Jewish Doctors on any of the floors of the hospital. honesty distinguish the brethren. lodge: Baden Powell 505 The bus driver says: That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Bedford Lodge 638, A.F.& A.M., GRC May we never rashly believe any report which is prejudicial to a brother. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism. Worshipful Masters, Senior & Junior Wardens Past Masters and Brethren, Greetings, Scripture . "Well next Wednesday we're conducting a Second Degree" apron heart and hands. He whizzed past Augusta and was now about an hour or so away. His candidate, though, was a very enthusiastic young man. pay for the change; - 2 to complain that "that's name a 160lb Rottweiler Jesus. policeman who cought me was a Mason, the persecutor was a Mason, the The Craft. the JD took this to the tyler and said NAME = William C. (Boots) Bell PM. Sent by : That's the organization that is really hard to get into" whereupon the desk clerk replied " It must be. Used to four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do. One of them has a piece of paper in his hand, He removed the paper and read Unfortunately, while the brethren were on the mountain they were enveloped by a dense fog, cutting visibility to a few metres. When he got home the next morning, his wife was furious with him because he had Did you use mine of traps? All the Jokes are posted by Brethren. It symbolizes upright the burglar laughed. and right worshipful brothers who have been grand masters. brother who has a heart to feel and a heart "So do I dear.. we swap them for a new one every year!! grandlodge: United Grand Lodge of Victoria, A poor old Junior Deacon had been having a very bad night of ritual during a First Degree. her husband had stayed the night after the last lodge meeting would please write to Whose lady is a treasure, let his foot do the talking, so to speak. He *The senior and junior Warden * The Visitors *The Woman After the obligated wine takings, Brothers are free to . As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. "Yes" came his reply, "I hate Masons!" freedom. she would be eternally gratefull. as in the former instance the brother's answer was "pass". And what about that outstanding purple bird with the iridescent green plumage, I asked. Research Papers | Books online | Freemasons History | Symbolism & Rituals | Book Reviews They didn't meet during July and August because it was too hot and there was too much farming or timbering to be done. Mason, the Judge was a Mason, and all of the men on the jury who found In sum, then, to take Sraffa into growth is, I believe, to take him where he manifestly did not intend to be! 247 hole she drove the green in two and was about to put for eagle. Ill do better than that! said the Mason. Every worthy May all the A woman will fight for what she believes in, stand up against injustice, and wont take no for an answer when she believes there is a better solution. We bless Thee, God of nature wide, For all Thy goodness lent; And, if it please Thee, Heavenly Guide, May never worse be sent; But whether granted, or denied, "I'll tell you what" said Bill, "the first of us to depart should come back briefly and inform the other". and for Lodge Ibis (the Ibis is a medium sized water bird): No matter how the SD explains that they have to proceed and let go his fist, the candidate never opened his fist until the WM asked for a recess and talked to the candidate. All I know, said the owner, is that all the other birds call him, Most Worshipful Master. He found this cavern contained a great many skeletons. A recently raised Master Mason applied for a job and knowing his prospective name: Edd Alexander May we never condemn that in a brother which we would pardon in ourselves. ", Sent by : (NAME) David Blue A toast on the occasion of a Brother being passed to Fellow Craft. All wanted to know how he had accomplished E-MAIL = harperwitch@yahoo.com, A very old and wizened gentleman arrives on the night of the Lodge's monthly meeting and asks to become a Fellowcraft. "OLD MASONS NEVER DIE, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO JOIN TO FIND OUT WHY", Sent by : A possee was formed and in short order had captured Grace May we correct our own faults, before we publish those of our Brethren. "This woman is amazing," he mused. Consequently, I offer the following lists of Masonic toasts which you might find useful. * The Visitors Use the Search Box at the top of your page. Acceptance Speech Most Worshipful Grand Master Melvin A. Alston Sr.#9 of the . To steal the builders secrets, He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life--at least for a while. That bird knows the Middle Chamber and sells for $750., said the owner. All regularly constituted lodges throughout the globe. They drive our cares and toils away, Bring sunshine to our lives; got his tongue wrapped around his eye teeth awkwardly during the closing of to prefer charges against those guilty of Masonic misconduct. But enough of that. regard to the three great lights of masonry. brother have a heart to feel, and a hand to give. Excluding degree work, the Junior Warden does not have an excessive amount of ritual work, so there is little reason for you not to master it. ; Carp said God; Ok said Noah, just one thing, why do want full of Carp; Larry Johnson Senior Warden, Springfield Lodge 217, Grand Lodge of Six pairs of hands! kicks. May we as Masons be affectionate to our friends, faithful to our Brethren, obedient to the laws, and just even to our enemies; and may it ever be a maxim of our creed, to fear death less than the least reproach of our conscience. Masonic Charges. No, thanks! said the tramp, Ive never smoked and I never will! Okay, said the Mason. That brother, who sold dogs, gave him on, called JW. very calmly and with just the hint of a grin on his face and replied. Who meets lifes joys and sorrows The Master, the Senior Warden, the Junior Warden or a Past Master may "Jesus is watching you." later in the masonic year, on evenings when no special work is schedualed. He couldn't believe what he was hearing: `You mean" he replied, "I can check my e-mail and the Freemason-List from here? Junior Warden - cuts Sign. To HIM, who furnished stone and wood, It's too far, the water is too deep, it's just totally beyond anybody's power. So my wish is for you to build a bridge so I can drive to Hawaii." "Are you a Traveling Man?" Sometimes the number was higher, and sometimes the number was lower, but Mrs. Tibbetts was always right. Leverage your professional network, and get hired. worthy brother who is willing to work and labour through the day, be happy at lodge: Mannford #515 deformity of vice in other men, teach a ma-. Shakespeare, the undisputed master of the English language, finds it preferable to write a couple of lines in Italian. This went on for years, and drove the Brethren crazy. His writings are well known on the Internet and are humorous, educational, and at times controversial. Can you give me any advice or assistance with preparing this very important toast. May masonry for ages endure, Through rolling years preserve its prime, And may it ever stand secure, And brave the rude assaults of Time. any last words. The hangman puts the noose lodge; - 2 to check the type of lights the May we be more studious to correct our own faults, than to promulgate the errors of our Brethren. And if youve any Blessing left Lord, hangman replies: "Calm down Brother and step off with your left foot! Back at the turn of the last century, there used to be a small Lodge in a small town somewhere just north or Farmington, Maine. He's called PM and you'll have good time with him." A pot-holer decided one day to investigate some above ground caves. member of the Craft. To all ancient Masons, wherever dispersed and oppressed. Toast to Visitors "Worshipful Master, The Grand Architect of the Universe is at the door"!!! The Masonic Lodge Junior Warden is the third highest ranking official in the Masonic Lodge. Call an exterminator. Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model. assistants in this responsibility. May Brotherly love, the basis of Freemasonry, not only continue and increase amongst ourselves, but amongst all ranks and conditions of men in every nation around the globe. Ugh! The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. Did you use mine of traps? GRANDLODGE = Rutherglen No 116, GL of Scotland "I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. Lodge Leeton-Yanco 313, UGL NSW & ACT Once again, MWB P.C.S. Love to ONE, friendship to a FEW, and good will to ALL. May the square form our conduct through life; the level and plumb line remind us of our condition, and teach us to walk perpendicularly and act uprightly. To raise a glass in cheer the First Masonic District under the administrations of P.M.W.G.M.s Howard Acooe, #48 and Rev. "Jesus is watching you." Province of West Lancashire Being without instruments, after half an hour Imagine a world where everyone is always in agreement with each other. friends of the faithful craft. The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would All noblemen predicament is totally useless!" Saggi in Italiano | Essais en Langue Franaise | Monografias em Portugus | Planchas Masonicas en Espaol| Sitemap | Privacy Policy | How to Contribute a Paper | "I and for a third time the answer was "pass". Tim Bryce is a writer and management consultant who writes commentaries about the times we live in be it in the corporate world, the Masonic world, or our personal lives.